Written by Ruth ( July of 2012)
“…life is so unfair.” That is what we
always say when we don’t get things the way we wanted it.
So I just thought, what would be the best
choice that a husband could ever make if his wife was battling between life and
death. A wife who was about to give birth to their first baby boy. The baby boy
that they have been longing to have, to see, to carry, to hold and the baby boy
who will complete their family.
What if his wife had this disease that no
one can ever cure that only miracle could happen? What if the doctor tells them
that his wife had this disease that prevents her wife in conceiving? What if
the doctor tells them if ever there was a chance, they only have twenty
percent? What if the doctor tells them, in that twenty percent of chance in
conceiving, fifty percent of chance of death is waiting for his wife. What if
the wife wants to take the twenty percent only to complete their dream family,
what would you think the husband will do? Here is the exact story…
“…when we got married, I know the fact that
my wife and I have this problem in having a child. She warned me before we
decided to get married. She said, “I don’t want to be selfish, but I want you
to make a decision. Do you really want to pursue this wedding?” I said yes… God
knows how much I love her. At first I did not get why she asked about it then
she said, “…because I don’t want you to get stuck in a marriage that there is a
possibility of incomplete family. You know that this thing prevents me, right?
I love you and God knows how much I do. And I will do anything to make you
happy. I am sorry for asking you this… I just wanted you to be sure… and...”
and she went on and on and on. I knew exactly what she was pointing out. I love
her and I don’t care what could be the problem. All I wanted at that time was
to be finally being with her, start a new dream. A family that she and I been
dreaming since.
We got married after a few months after
that conversation. Went to our honeymoon and enjoyed each other’s company. I
made sure that wherever we go, she would be glad, and there will be no pressure
or stress she could feel. I made sure of that, thinking that maybe that would
be one of our ways of us having our baby boy. But faith was not with us or
maybe God. Maybe HE was telling us, “not at this time...” Well, I guess…
probably not the right time. Then I asked myself, was it still early? I told my
wife that maybe God wanted us to prepare for our baby boy. That my wife and I
should save more money and bank it. I only said that because I could sense my
wife’s depression. I didn’t want her to feel any pressure.
Months and months have passed. Then years
passed. Three long years passed. She finally announced the best new ever! My
wife was pregnant! She and I celebrated the big news with our close friends and
families. I’ve seen in her the happiness in her face. She always asked me to go
with her at the mall to buy baby stuffs like clothing, bottles, diapers and
other stuffs. I was very happy looking at her doing things like those, made my
heart jumpy.
Every time I came home, I would always kiss
her first then kiss her tummy. I also wanted to feel the baby that “hey little
boy, dad’s here waiting for you!” My wife and I looked so funny every time we
do things only to feel the baby in my wife’s womb. We even read short stories
before bed time and we sang songs like nursery rhymes, that we sometimes do the
crazy dance even her tummy was not that big yet. The happiness in my wife’s
eyes was priceless. That was one of her traits I have loved. She was lively
though sometimes she got to be dramatic. That is what I love about her. She was
so natural.
I remember, there were nights that she woke
me up only to buy her unusual foods. She sometimes asked me to get her
something that’s sour and at the same time sweet but seedless. What could that
be? But I had to get her that not because I didn’t want her to get mad at me
and yell at me but because that was my duty as her husband and as a dad to be.
Then I thought, that was life and smiled.
The baby inside her became bigger and kept
on moving. We always feel the movement. We’ve seen how the small bump moved as
it glided from left to right and every time it does we looked at each other
then we laugh. My wife’s smiles, those were my energy.
Then one night, my wife woke me because she
felt uneasy, always wanted to go to the bathroom and pee. She kept on doing
that until she asked me what the date at that time was. When I made sure she
was on the bed, I went to checked on the calendar then I saw there was a note
saying “IT’S TIME MOMMY…” oh my gosh! That was her due date. She was about to
give birth to our baby junior. So I rushed her to the hospital. I called my mom
and my in-laws right away, because though I knew what to do, I still felt
nervous. I thought, “…so this is the feeling of a dad to be.” My hands were
shaking, I’ve been walking back and forth, frequently checking on my wife if
she was fine or if she needed anything. God, that was like as if I was the one
giving birth.
Hours passed, the doctor came out and said
not yet. The contraction was still going on, that in their estimation another
one hour has to pass then the baby would come out. The doctor also said that my
wife and our baby were doing well. I felt relief and thanked God. But before
the doctor went in, she told me that because it was the first baby, expect that
the delivery wouldn’t be that easy. She also told me that she wasn’t expecting
normal delivery plus the baby was somehow big.
I told the doctor’s news to everybody then
my mom told me that it was normal. All of us were waiting for the doctor’s next
news. I didn’t know but the feeling was not good at that time. I wanted to do
was to see my wife. I wanted to be in that room and hold her hand. I wanted to
give support to her. I also wanted to see how our baby boy would be like. The
feeling of uneasiness got stronger.
Then, another hour passed the doctor came out.
“We’re having problem in the delivery
room.” What could that be? I wanted to panic but chose not to. I had to be calm
and composed myself. I tried to hide my hands that were shaking. “…the baby is
fine and healthy but he’s not out yet. And your wife’s blood pressure is
unstable. We knew that this could happen however we still trying our best to do
everything to save both of them.” she added. I didn’t know what to think. The
baby was fine. My wife was not. I started to ask God’s guidance. I prayed for
my wife’s health and for the baby as well. “…oh God, could you give this one to
me? Save my wife and my child. I don’t want to lose any of them. Please God,
hear my prayer… please please please…”
The doctor came out again. She calmly
walked towards me and asked her how was my wife doing? “…the baby still doing
fine, he’s quite big. But your wife made a decision…” what decision?! What
about that?! That’s how I asked myself while waiting for the doctor to tell me
everything. “…she wants the baby to be saved.” The doctor said. “What?! What is
going on??? You told me that you gonna do anything to save both of them. What
is happening? I want them both! You hear me? I want both of them safe! I want
to see her! I want to see my wife! Let me in!” they told me I lost my
composure. I was screaming at the doctor. They said that was the first time
they saw me at that state. Why wouldn’t I? I was losing my wife. “I am here to
ask you, what would be your decision? Your baby or your wife? We have to act
fast. We are losing time. Now I am going to ask you again, the mom or the
baby?”
No point of having second thoughts. I
wanted my wife. I knew that she would get mad at me for choosing her over the
baby. But God! Yes the baby was important to me but she was more important than
anybody else. I wanted her to be saved. Yes, we were going to lose the baby,
but DAMN! Who cares in that room? We could adopt a child anytime as long as
she’ll live.
What was I thinking? I didn’t want lose my
child too. I didn’t know how I got inside the room. All I remember was I ran to
see my wife. There were tears in her eyes. I cupped her face and kissed her
deeply. “How are you?” I asked her.
“I
want the baby to be saved.” My wife said.
“..no sweetie, the doctor told me that they
will do anything to save both of you. You hear me? Both of you. Now, I want you
to calm yourself, have faith that everything will be fine. Alright?”
“You take care of yourself and the baby
while I am away. Let him know how much I love him. I’ll be fine… think that I
will be fine…”
“No! No! hush hush… you listen to me okay?
You are going to survive and you are going to see the baby crying. You wanted
to breastfeed him right? This is your chance honey. Please fight…”
“I’ve been fighting, and I still want to
but my body won’t let me anymore. Please kiss our little boy for me. I love you
very much. Very very very very much…” she was crying while she was saying those
words. I could see trouble in her eyes. Seeing her in that way, I couldn’t bear
anymore but I had to fight for her. I wanted her to live.
The nurses and doctor told me to step out
of the room. I didn’t want to let go of her hand. “God, I don’t want to lose my
wife. Please hear me, help my wife. Save her.” I was crying to the Lord. I was
silently praying to the God.
Once again the doctor came out from the
room. “The baby boy is out. He was out at exactly 6:47 PM. His weigh is 17
pounds and 8 ounces. Congratulations Mister you are finally a dad…” thank God… thank
you God for giving me a healthy baby boy. “How about my wife how is she...” I
anxiously asked. “your wife..” that was the longest three seconds of my life.
Waiting for the next words the doctor about to say. “…she’s fine. She is saved.
We almost lost her but she fought. She made it. She needs rest so we gave her
something to help her feel fine. You can see both of them after we fix and
transfer them in her room. Congratulations once again.”
I closed my eyes, grabbed my hands together
and thanked God for saving my wife. She was saved. I thanked God while my eyes
were tearing. After quite some time, they let us see my wife. She was still
sleeping. I saw hardships in her face. I wanted to hug her but all I did was
kissed her on her forehead. The nurse came in with the baby on her arms. The
doctor was right. He’s a healthy boy. He’s so big. I took the baby from the
nurse and carried him. My baby boy, finally I got to see him in flesh. He used
to be in his mom’s womb. I kissed him on his forehead. He was so cute.
My wife’s eyes finally opened. She was
awake. She was smiling at me. At us. She looked tired but fine. She still
managed to be beautiful even in the middle of all these tragic events. She
asked how the baby was. I asked if she wanted to carry our baby boy. She smiled
and said “I love you… take care of him.” and she smiled at me again. I answered
back and told her that we’re going to take care of our baby, just take a lot of
rest so she’d be well in no time. Then she went back to sleep.
She didn’t open her eyes anymore. I didn’t
know that she only woke up to say that she love me and to tell to take care of
our baby boy. There was nothing I could do. God took her from me. From us. What
else can I do. That was faith. One of God’s plans. All I did was cry. I have
gave everything to the Lord.
I love her very much that there will be no
chance of forgetting about her. She is my life. She is my hope. She is my
everything. She gave me something that no one can ever replace. As our child
grows, I will make sure that he will get all the love that his mom had for him
and of course my love for him. He will grow just like the way his mom wanted to
him be. He will grow that his mom always stays in his heart.
I know my wife is somewhere watching over
us. He will never leave us. And I know that time would come that she and I will
finally be together again.
